Hi folks. Has been quite a long time since i write, guess what, my laptop is not fixed yet, still have to install and download some things to make it complete like before. During these days without my laptop, i devoted my 24 hours to sleeping and things other than surfing internet. In the end, i caught some allergies for one week and a minor fever! Haha. Ironic.

Well, i am starting to think over bout my life, about things i missed before. Guess I’m quite happy with my life now, first and foremost is that i have a super happy family, i have wonderful parents, sisters, brothers and a very cute nephew who makes me happy all the time, then i have everything i want, even my profession is fixed, i don’t have any financial problems, i have the chance to pursue studies in an European country, i have friends who stand by me (as far as i know), its like, there is nothing for me to worry about. Everything is like, fixed. Nevertheless, i still feel that something is still missing. I feel, lonely.

Be given as an example, most of the time, when i am at the hostel, in my room, i spend most of my time studying, sleeping, watching dvds, surfing the net and do whatever i can; alone. Where as my friends, they lunch together, they dine together, the study together, they watch dvds together, its like they do everything together. And me, I’d always stay alone, which i think i prefer to, as i don’t really adore being in a super havoc situation. I’m not racist, mind you, and I’m not choosy. I’m just a typical type of human being who actually demands for something which i love, to do something that i know i like to do. And my course mates, they are not my type of people. We are friends, but we don’t cling to each other. But they are nice, a group of super nice people that everyone would like to get near with. I tried a few times to be with them, and as i try and try, i would say that it doesn’t work. We just don’t get along that well, we don’t really have the connection to each other. We are friends, coursemate and classmate. But, sorry to say, we can’t seem to mix, as in mix like we’re good friends who can count on each other to live on. I miss my previous life, where i hang out with my old friends. I miss the precious time with the one i used to be so close to.

However, being in a new environment is not that bad after all. Especially when i come to live in a ’so civilized’ town like KL. Being in this new place, i learned a lot, and the most important thing is that i gained so much experience.  It is obviously different from Penang, which i spent 17 years living under my beloved family’s supervision, everything was done by them, even from breakfast to supper was prepared by them. But here, i find myself so eerily pathetic, whereby i still can’t manage my things properly. Given time for dinner, but i would still be doing something else like sleeping, bathing, surfing the net, and whatever else. What is happening to me..

And these days, i had been freaking sensitive. Take some examples in the class. I am not a hardworking student, but i believe in ‘paying more attention in class is better than keeping up ourself so late at night to study’. And i really hold tight to it because being a linguistic student, it is very boring to study the same thing every time. Plus, i do my assignments during night time and if i continue to study during that hours, i will surely be tired and exhausted. I am not lazy. Don’t say that i can use my time after classes to study. I usually go out for swimming and basketball during the evening so do not complain that i waste my time doing nothing. En plus, the time is mine, not yours!

Ok lets just get back to the point. Lately i got the results for my previous test, and i passed the test. And i passed with 75,5 marks, which i myself is contented with what i get. Just say what ever you want to say, yes, it is not a high note but at least it is more than what i targeted. I might not be the top scorer like the previous tests, but that doesn’t mean that i didn’t progress. Guess what, i did progress ok? And i got 24/25 for 1 of the paper which is the writing paper, and i didn’t expect that. … Why am i that pissed? Because, my tutor, Miss Teh, she said something that really hurt me much. “Don’t be satisfied with high marks”, “Work in groups! Share your knowledge! Don’t bodoh sombong!!”

Why are you keeping pointing at me? Look at my results, i did well, and my marks are progressing. They are not going down. But what is the reason of me always being the one pointed, the one taken as a bad example? She might not say words straight towards me, but she did something indirectly, that i can understand that she was trying to mention me in her speeches. Yes i admit that i played a lot, but look at my marks! I didn’t score 50 or 60. My marks are all above 70! And being in a language course for almost a year only, it isn’t easy to keep it up. It isn’t easy to face the lecturer’s critics and to give a neutral visage for it.

Ok, stop about that lecturer’s thingy. Now that i am more concern in getting myself more connected to the world. Its dreadful to know that people actually judges you from your appearance, not your competences. So shall i dress up like a doll so that you people will think that I’m nice, or shall i dress like Beyonce so that you guys will say I’m cool? Oh junks.

I’m missing some one right now. Again. But this person is a friend of mine, used to be close at times. Our relationship is like a season, for once, we can be so close, and the week after all i listen from that special person is silence. I don’t understand. It is so, not consistent?

Whatever it takes, i will still try to discover my life here in this so call urban ville.

With the help of the people here too, i guess..