I often thought about all the happiness that i want when i grow up. However, past experiences kept bugging me until at one instance, i want to give up. I do wrongs since i was small, up till today, non-stop. I knew and i always felt guilty, but what can i do. An apologize does not mean a big thing, i knew that, but that is all i can do. Who can i blame for all my immature attitudes, and who am i to blame when all of that were done by me myself.
Now that i am getting older, i know i can make my own decisions, i know some of the ‘whats’ i did and i want to do is right. But in some other hearts and eyes, i am always young, naive, and my doings must be traced so that they can assure that i don’t do mistakes. Other hearts understand me, but they have yet to understand me from top to bottom. Some eyes don’t see how good i do, but they always comment and judge me.
Being away for so many years, i know it is logical when they treat me that way. Ways of showing affection are different from one and another. I am always left beside, and i had always shed my tears because i don’t like to be left aside. But however, i pretend as if i am not sad, i am ok with it, and when other people ask, i said its okay if they leave me. The truth is, i am not okay. I want to let everyone know that i am not okay, but it is just hard to let everything out. Even to the person i share the same blood with, it is hard to tell and let all out because i know they wouldn’t understand. The more i share, the more that i’ll be blamed.
8 months to go, then i’ll be somewhere far, farther than i can be. Of course i feel happy that i can further my studies in somewhere over the coast, and of course there is sadness that lies between. I wish i don’t need to go, but at the same time, i am happy for the opportunity. And this time, i will be away for 3 years, which is not a short time, and probably will not be back for a subsequent 3 years. The idea of leaving will always be a glum one for me, but i hope when i get back, things will change.
“Where’s the promised happiness?
I understand
Let’s not talk about it
Love has faded
The dream has become distant
I count each and every happy and unhappy thing
Once more you’re reluctant to let go
Those feelings of having loved are too deep
I still remember them…”
(Where’s the promised happiness, Capricorn, Jay Chou, 2008.)
dear jay chou’s gf.oopps!heh
chill2, dont be sad.
‘le rayon de soleil’
;p
bonne chance for us nx week ya.
whatever ur problem is, just let it go..let the past be the past.. don’t think too much about unhappy thing.otherwise, u’ll end up being an unhappy girl.
u know, everytime i feel hurt, down, sad or whatsoever yet no one seems to understand, i always burst that out to someone. God. yes, i talk to Him. this may sound stupid for u,i know. but it does make me feel relieve.like there’s always someone who’s willing to listen, anytime and anywhere. and the best part is He wont reveal it to other people. but, the not-so-best part is He cant respond. but, all u need is just to talk to someone aite? if u believe ure talking to someone, thou no one is there, u’ll feel relieve anyhow.
u just need to believe. believe that theres always someone if u want to talk, and believe that everything gonna be fine. that way, worries will fade.