Its 2.02 am, and i am not asleep yet. *Yawns* Finished reading Ryan’s new blog, and surprisingly, i kinda feel weird and sad when i start to think, again. It is not because that Ryan has got a new blog page or what, but the fact that we are all growing up really sadden me. Chey was once a university girl, came out and start working with companies, but now, she’s a full time housewife, taking care of her son and her husband. (Ça m’étonne, vraiment de voir le changement exact de ma chère sœur.) But its a good thing, still, because her life will be much easier like that, as she has got a good husband that can take care of her and the family. But i will be missing the times when she wants to take me to the lake, but i didn’t want to because i was always afraid that i will fall. Chicken!

Haihz, i scored my exam, badly. So bad that it made me flash back on how i studied for my exams during secondary school. I never passed my exam, because i was so busy for other things but academic. I preferred running at the field, band practice, that i put my studies aside. But thanks a lot to God, i got my SPM, and i am out of  school.

Honestly, i didn’t do my exam well. I didn’t know what happened to myself, because all this while i know i do well, and i never ever stop studying. I won’t get less than 70% and i know, if i get less than that, i can call myself stupid because language is what i really am made for. I only need to focus on 1 subject, and that is the simplest thing i have ever done in my whole life. And what now, i ended up scoring 59/100, ranking second last. I WAS usually the top, at least top 3, but now, i am down below. Haihz, i am disappointed, but i have to accept it anyhow. Knowing that i don’t usually stay at the bottom, i know i will score better in my next exam. (This might sound corky and arrogant, but i need to get my confidence back!)

Anyways, a big felicitation to Atiqa, my classmate for getting the highest for B2. Seriously your efforts really paid!

Its 2.35am, and i gotta go. I have to wake up early tomorow to wash the clothes and then go breakfast with sisters. DimSum i hope!

Au revoir mes cheries!

Remember i said i was so sad because of some misunderstandings between me and my best friend, that i wanted so much to shout out loud and cry and sleep the whole day and do whatever i can to forget about that? Ahax! Indeed i slept! It was the Friday that i was simply thinking that it’s no use to grieve for something that might not come to life again, so i decided to delete all the un-cool memories in my head, and heart. And then i went to sleep on my royal bed, hugging my fish plushie and my powerpuff girl huggable pillow. Then suddenly i heard a super loud cry from the back of the house, but i was just too lazy to bother. “It might be some snakes wandering around in somebody’s room, or maybe they found a dead baby somewhere, erm, ahh!! Maybe somebody found out she’s pregnant!” Haha! Evil thoughts right? But i was just too lazy to bother! At that time, i just wanted to sleep, and wake up at 5, pack up my stuffs, go back to my sister’s place and rest in peace. So i just couldn’t be bother, i just meh with it! (First time using ‘meh’ actually, thanks to the KIP! ) Suddenly, a classmate came in to my royal chamber and said, “kite semua lulus B2″. So there it goes again, the super loud shouting and yelling, came from ME! Haha!! I was soooooo damn excited to know that everyone in my cohort passed this frightening exam, and 100% man! 100% passed! Phew and Yay~ Congratulations guys, congratulations!

So we are relieved. Now it is time for us to prepare stuffs to go there, while having fun during the weekdays! HAVING FUN ON WEEKDAYS! How cool is that? Haha! I find sleeping very annoying nowadays. Its like, i sleep every free time i have and it is unhealthy! I am gonna find some beneficial things to do during the evening like finishing up my novels, running around the garden, basketball, swimming, or whatever shit i can do! How i wish i can go fishing, or maybe climbing hills, go walking around the beach, and some other stuffs from what i used to do. I want to go to Bali, but i never had the chance to. Come on, who wants to go to Bali with me??

Well, i had a lot more things to say, but i don’t have enough time. I gotta go back to the hostel in 15 minutes time, so i guess i just have to say chow now. I really had a great time at home this weekend because i am happy. I am happy that my whole class passed the exam, and i think i will be in a very good mood for the whole week!

Will update as soon as i can, arrivederci for now!

Hiding within my vision, always lingering beside, can guess love is not present,
After happily playing & laughing, and be able to totally retreat; as long as you are happy it’s enough.

This kind of feeling is too loving & warm, and to speak a thousand phrases would be insufficient.
What if you were to hear it and afterwards leave,
This kind of love is too rare, doesn’t need to completely possess,
Giving approval, give my blessings wholeheartedly, then let go.

Let go, let go of everything, both will have greater freedom,
Let go, in fact it’s not because I do not love enough,
Let go, let go of everything without reserve, will still have a good friend
It’s already, already enough.

From a distance, in the background of “universal silence”, just observing is enough.

This kind of feeling is too loving & warm and to speak a thousand phrases would be insufficient.
Even though there was an instant, on impulse where I wanted to hold your hand,
This kind of love is too rare, doesn’t need to completely possess,
Even with heaviness of heart, its best to just let go.

Let go, let go of everything, both will have greater freedom,
Let go, in fact it’s not because I do not love enough,
Let go, let go of everything without reserve, will still have a good friend,
It’s already, already enough.

Let go, my memories of you cannot find an ending,
Let go, wish you will have happiness & everything.
Maybe, love is very deep, but I have already seen it through
Can only possess when i let go.

~~~~

It sounded better in Cantonis though! Muahaha~ Guys, please listen to this song. Its touching. And it is so me. Thanks to Raymond!!

I told myself that i won’t gonna rant, i told myself i won’t gonna react. But i just did. Its ironie that i told myself, if somebody’s bad on me, i’m gonna do the same. But heck, i situated myself at the centre of over-reaction & ignorance, that i chose to throw away all the brilliant logics of being cold to someone when he or she did something that i’m not confortable with. Very, unconfortable with. So voila, i ended up disappointed, upset, unhappy, gloomed, dejected, & bleeding inside.

I am a 20 year old girl, & I just wanna have fun whenever i get to, with whoever i want to, doing what ever i feel to. But things never go the way i always wanted them to. And i had always put myself on a very hard situation, where i forgive people very easily, even though in the end, its me who will suffer the debris and the disappointment.

But who cares now. I am gonna leave Malaysia for good, and i will have the super different types of friends over there. So i will soon get over it, get over my stupid self, and be as happy as i can be. And i won’t bother to care about a thing, anymore. Being 20, i decided that i will make it the happiest age in my life.

15th April, 2009. I had the most wonderful night, having fun on the cement stairs beside the cantine, celebrating my 19th birthday which was supposed to be on 24th December 2008. Thanks guys! And the best thing is that after that party, we had a tecktonik dance session in the room. Haha! Even though we were only three, but we had tecktonik! And that was seriously cool! Can’t wait to do it again.

Thats my birthday cake!! (Although its a shared cake, with 3 other classmates)

Then the next day, it was sports day! I didn’t really participate in anything so i didn’t really care about it. People were busy recruiting people for marching (fortunately they didn’t asked me to go) but the heck is that, somebody, came to me and complained to me, asking me to join her butt but i said no because no one from the upper body asked me to go so i just kept quiet. And now she’s exagerating with rude sms and then asking me for forgiveness. Babi betul. Go away la, nuff said.

My paranoia is coming back again. Sigh. So i was wondering, when will i get the guy of my life la, like in those movies, where you get to spend time with your guys. My friends were always asking the same thing to me and i’ll always go : hey chill la, your time will come. And now, i repeat the same thing again, but who will say that to me now? Haihz. In that so many guys that i know, some are already in a relationship, some married, and some singles but they’re trying so hard to get the girl of their dreams. Too bad i’m not the one who will go and just get whoever out side there, and i don’t fancy match makers. Haha! Stupid. But its funny because i’ve been going out with guys, even though i’m not the type of girl who will simply go out with guys i don’t hanker for. Believe me, i only go out with my really really best guy friends, guys i spent 5 years knowing them, travelling with them, then my collegemates, those i had crush on, bottom line, i don’t go out with guys just like that. If i do, then that guy must be the guy i really go for. LOL.

(taken from http://www.longbeachrealestatehome.com/m/blogs/lbreh/YoungCoupleOnSwings.jpg)

Just look how sweet is that. Sigh. =.=”

p/s : What does it means, if we dreamt of losing teeths, and it hurts? I dreamt i lost few teeths and i kinda feel the pain. What the heck right?

Taken 11th of April 2009, edited by Kip, 2009.

Saya pening la. Suddenly say want to replace class this Saturday. But replace thisz raya’s holiday. WE WON’T EVEN BE HERE DURING RAYA ALSO WHY DO WE HAVE TO ATTEND THE FREAKING CLASS RIGHT. What a retard. And erjie already tell everyone to make sure that they will be free on this Saturday. If i say i can’t make it, a bit like too besar like that right, everybody come down for the photoshoot, suddenly i not there. What, i am not anak angkat/derhaka ok, i want to be in the family photo. This will be the last family photo for me in three years because i might not be here during 3 chinese new years so i might not be able to take family photo again. Sobb. Tak mau tak mau. Saya nak masuk dalam family photo juga. Why la all these problems keep happening to me. I’m sick of this life, i just wanna scream. Why does this, happened to me. (Untitled – Simple Plan)

Everyday, got new blogpost. Everyday got new complaints. Everyday got new problem. Haihz. Why la. Nasib baik there are some people who are good enough to listen to me. Thanks. You guys rock. And today, i fly Nancie’s kite lagi. (Was supposed to go jogging with her yesterday, but i slept, and i texted her at 7pm. Then she said, she wanted to say babi to me. Haha. But today, i tak jadi because of some reason, so i texted her, and she said she smiled and went back to sleep again. )

Yikes, i like this guy. But he already got girlfriend. He is a little bit like the one i had a crush on early last year. But, i think this one is better because he’s a very good guy and he’s just good. I should not even think about that also because he already have a girlfriend. But, things can happen right? Better no la. (=.=”) Mood : Indifferent. A little bit disappointed. But as long as we’re friends, its cool.

(8.03 am)
Imagine man, the air conditioner in the room isn’t working! Can u just imagine, sitting in a room, surrounded by 4 walls, with spoil windows and worst still, sitting beside weirdo? Aghhh!!!!!!!! Very the hot u know, even its in the morning. The hell with the air-cond man! Global warming global warming!

(9.25 pm)
Today, i skipped pre-sports day. It wasn’t because that i hate sports. I remembered last year, i was an enthusiast myself, and i attended trainings and all that. On the sports day it self, i entered 100m sprint, and i fell. (According to a friend of mine, i ran like an ostrich, and uncontrollably, i fell on the ground) I was supposed to win the freaking race because i was a runner and a player, back in high school. I kinda got blacked out for a while, and somebody called my name, and i woke up. I walked to the other side of the field, and Grace took me to the toilet for some washing. It was funny, yet stupid. At that point, i told myself, that i am fat, and i am not fit for sports anymore. I sucked, and it is lame. It was a true and total embarrassment, trust me. And probably because of that, and i didn’t want to go to sports anymore. But usually, the college will issue a warning letter (some what we called the useless punishment) to the students who were absent on that day. But what the heck, i saw lots of people looking from their apartment’s balcony, and some, eating and chatting at Scud. So today, i became like those in the past years. Instead of going down to the field wearing sports wear, i went to Ikea with a good friend. And that was better than going to the sports, because we had good time laughing, talking about past experiences, calling somebody who is currently at New Zealand, eating, chatting, seeing babi melutut, walking, cam-whoring, and lots more. It was cool. And her boyfriend is cute and chubby. Ahaha! *she’s so gonna kill me*

~~~~

Routines are currently driving me crazy. I was so eager to finish up the exams so that i won’t have to do any more works, but instead, i ended up with more complicated ones. I am so lazy. No wonder i keep putting on weight. Hahaha. But i kinda like the way i am now. Classes during weekdays, no more exams (if i pass my DELF B2), going back to sister’s place every weekend, go shopping for brides mate’s clothes, online, playing mahjong, sleeping. I start to like hanging out with my classmates, like, lepak-ing at the hall, chit chatting while eating some snacks, reading book with whole privacy and silence in the room, and watching movie alone. And i think i kinda prefer to eat in the house, rather than asking people out to eat or hang out, (because its useless to layan those people who never bother to “repondre”) unless they invite me first, like the other day, i went out with Esther, Audrey, Nancie and the rest for a movie. It was so cool. I had a great time, and they were having fun too. I hope things will not change until the day i leave for France. Now, i can do whatever i like, yeah~ (says T.I) And 1 thing, i am so lazy to top up the credits in my phone because right now i don’t really text anyone. They are all busy studying, working, some playing, and some getting ready to get married. Blegghhh…

Anyways, i think my eye sight is getting worst because it gets watery whenever i read something for a long period of time. Maybe i should go to the optician to check or what. But some people said when you start to wear glasses, you will stick to it and your eyesight will get even worse. Lol.

I shall make a move now. Gotta go bathe and then do some reading, then i’m off to bed. Chau Chau!!~