Falling in love is a horrible feeling. Sachant que once you fall, you will not find (in the nearest time) ways to succumb and to pull yourself out from this destined catastrophe. Like seriously, I am not joking because I am at the moment, suffering from this disease.

“So who’s this guy? Why is falling in love horrible? A disease?? Why is it a destined catastrophe?”

I once went to HSBM (High School Bukit Mertajam) for form six, and the motto of the school is : “Aut Coepisse Noli Aut Confice” and it means, “To accomplish or do not begin”. I think, I’m in need to use this aphorism right now.

I just need to let someone know how I feel now, but given the decalage horaire, lack of time and the limited choice of people, I do not know who to turn in to. To be honest, I want to let the whole world know about this and then give me words of hope or encouragement because I am seriously in need of some!

Worst thing, I cannot enter the feelings into my blog, what if he reads it? And what if he doesn’t like me, we will not talk after that, and I especially do not want that to happen! I’d rather let him be oblivious about this and life goes on.

Et encore, I don’t know if this might sound stupid or not, but I begin to “treat myself better” just to attract his attention. I stop snacking, and even decided to maybe be a once-in-a-while vegan so that I can lose some weight, I start running again after 2 years of serious discontinuation. I deemed that, however faraway he can be, 1 or 10 000 km, he will somehow sometime maybe check my facebook to see what I’m up to from time to time, because we never get to see each other much?

I cannot. To accomplish or do not begin. I must not even think about it anymore, imagine the deprivations even though its achievable. Especially if it’s achievable. Especially that. There will be so much loss, and detriments, I think one is better than more. He’s far anyway. I will keep him in the dark.

P/S : As stupid as I can be, I know I will share this post in Facebook, the forbidden place. C’est une piege.