Buddhism is not a religion. It’s a teaching. I practice it, but not entirely.

Islam and Christian (and others) are religions. Religions worship God. What if God never exists? (Are you kidding me?) But what if God is always omnipresent? We lose nothing.

The saddest things are when : religions are represented by the people. By that I mean, we usually judge a religion based on it’s believers. And our judgements are always misled when we observed the wrong believers, the ones went astray.

Certain prays a lot, asks a lot from God. But what’s the use of praying and asking if you haven’t found the right One to worship to?

Certain claims to be at the correct path (but who knows they are actually at the wrong path?), certain admits that they are lost and confused. How do we do about this?

If we really research, we will find the right religion. Imitate nobody, as human tends to mislead one another.

And when we found it, we will know how much sin we have committed.

That’s all I have to say.

Jade Lynn Tan. Chinese name? Don’t know yet! Hehe.

Baby Jade Lynn, born on the 24th of June 2011, 10.10am. She’s such a cute and cuddly little thing, I can’t wait to put her into my arms! My sister Julea, has gone through a severe pain and decided to go for c-sec. I’m just glad that it’s all over now!

Baby has great voice! She cries all the time!! Welcome sleepless nights ahead!!

Congratulations to my sister Julea and bro Galvin, good luck and enjoy parenthood! I will help!

A Paris, avec toi.

Je ne t’ai pas dit que je t’aime,
Tu ne m’en veux pas?
Je ne t’ai pas dit que tu me manques..
Tu ne m’en veux pas?
Je ne t’ai pas dit que je t’adore,
Tu m’en veux pas?
Je voulais te dire que je te veux toi..
Et j’espère que tu me veux, moi..

Je veux être à Paris avec toi,
Mais tu n’es toujours pas là pour moi…
Je veux que tu saches je t’aime de moins,
Car je sais que tu t’en fou de moi…
Je veux pouvoir laisser ses sentiments là,
Car je sais que tu m’aimerais jamais…
Mais laisse-moi une chance je t’en prie,
Je veux vraiment chéri, être à Paris avec toi…

Cupcakes, cheese cakes, angry bird cakes, birthday cakes, tiramisu cake, cake cake cake!

I’ve been baking so much last month. Almost something everyday, I’m not joking. It’s like I am now a baker and I own a bakery and the shop’s in Rue des Granges 25000 Besançon, France CEDEX. My money spent on baking is definitely more than money spent on my daily needs/groceries. I almost bought myself a 90.54€ Harper Mixer Machine, 5 pyrex bowls and3 mold pans! (Luckily I didn’t, money is tight because of travelling!)

Baking is so much fun, and happy. The process, and also the outcome. Especially when I’m now having the greatest holiday in the world, I’m off uni until September!! (But I still have 2 exams coming up tomorrow, Wednesday and one last one next Monday but after that.. I’m gonna be a free bitch, baby!!) So yea, basically I spend most of my free time reading, baking, watching Hong Kong dramas, rewatching Hong Kong dramas, swimming, baking, travelling, baking, delivering my cakes door to door, baking, travelling, and baking. Heh. Life is so goooooooooooooooood!

Baking is so much more fun if you bake for people who really appreciate your cakes truthfully and honestly. I made a batch of cupcakes to be taken to Paris last fortnight, but they were kinda depreciated, I felt. That’s a story for another day, I don’t wanna talk about it. Sigh. But, but but but, last weekend, I made oreo cheesecake and I actually wanted to just give to some random people on the road but I know it’s weird and so I didn’t. But instead, I gave to 3 of my friends, and I was really happy I did! I packed 2 slices into 3 containers, and the first receiver was Sarah, 2nd was Anith, and 3rd was my apero friend who lives just around the neighbourhood! And guess what, all positive reactions and comments! The 1 sentence from Sarah actually flattered me and I literally felt like on cloud nine that day. “You are awesome, you do things!!” And then the next day she kept praising how delicious the cheesecake was. Second receiver, Anith. I texted her and said that I’m going to her apartment to give her some cheesecake and when she opened the door and saw the cheesecake, she greeted it with a huge smile! With much love I handed her the box of cake and she said thanks over and over again. On Facebook, on Twitter, on Instagr.am. So I flew high! Hehehe. And the last receiver, my apero friend, she was so surprised too and said merci, t’es très gentille et tout lalali lalala.. Hehe.

I know, almost everybody can bake a cheesecake, what is so grand about it? Whatever lah! Essential is I’m happy with what I did and I definitely will continue baking and delivering door to door again.

So, a cupcakerie someday perhaps?

Peace out!

Please stop falling

for the wrong guy

please can?

Kthxbai.

Now that the sun is all the time available, what I need is to finish up my exam weeks and then go out and play! In all senses!

2 more sunny weeks, 2 more only!

Bueno!!!!!!

Updates :

Last week, I experienced gas leak in my apartment! But luckily, it’s just a stupid small gas bottle in the fridge. The gas that cools the fridge blah blah thingy, but I panicked and call the firemen. Hehe! Well, it’s not really a false alarm I think, the odor is dangerous and can suffocate you to death ok? Et donc I had to empty my fridge, and give away my milk and stuffs like that to people since I couldn’t keep them in my fridge. Bleh.. If it’s still winter then I could just put those stuffs out the window!

Then the next day, I went swimming at Lafayette, and it was a really sad day for me. When I was swimming in the pool, a kiddo actually bumped into me and I freaked out, I was like, hey kiddo why are you coming so close to me? Till he opened his mouth and uttered : “Tu t’appelles comment? Je suis desole, je te vois pas” (What is your name? I’m sorry I couldn’t see you.) The boy, is blind! My heart melted and I wanted to just say awww it’s okay, and cry. I then realized that it was an outing day for the kids at the ecole maternelle nearby. Handicapped kids. Children who cannot walk, blind, down syndrome.. Sigh. I’m lucky I’m alive and healthy..

I had a heart to heart talk with my sisters! And I liked it. You know like how, telling your problems to your sisters are the best thing to do, because they will never betray you, they give the best advice, and aussi parce que mereka makan garam lebih banyak dari saya makan nasi.. Hehehehe..

It’s silly how I’ve always liked the wrong guy. Duh. Blame me for not being in the correct space and bunch. >.<Bleeeggghhhhhh.. Luckily I still know what I have to hold on to.

It’s the end of the year again!!

What a weird thing to say right? Well practically my uni year is ending really really soon! In 1 month! And I am excited! Hehehe. I’ll be having my normal classes, Monday to Thursday, until the 8th of April, and then exams from the 11th till the 15th of April, 3 weeks of spring break, then 1 last paper on the 2nd week of May. Et apres c’est fini!! Get ready for my trip to Barcelona!! Eclatement total!! Heeheehee.

Haihz sad thing is that, not many Barcelonian actually speak spanish there. They either speak Catalan or French. Sien. I want to practice my un poco espagnol! But but but, still, on va s’eclater la bas!! Ouaiiisssss!!!!

Spring is finally here! No more heavy winter jackets hanging on my porte-manteau! Now it’s all flowery and bright!

So let’s go picnic and have fun la this weekend! I can’t wait for May to come though! Time to shop for dresses and then trips! And then, back to lovely Malaysia in July to see my sister’s baby!! Yeay! I am excited!!! Gonna baby sit comme entrainement. Trop bien non??

Hehe, I love french. Not the people, but the language. Well the people also la actually, some of them. I can’t imagine myself leaving this wonderful place though. I’m gonna miss everything here. And I’m definitely gonna miss speaking french with random people on the streets. People here in Besançon is super friendly, you bump into somebody, the fella will say sorry. And also, free coffee almost everyday. How? I’ve always get my coffee from the coffee distributor, and every 7/10 times, mesti ada free balance! And bukan 50 cents balance ye tuan tuan dan puan puan, it’s always 1 euro or 1 euro and 50 cents ye! Hehehe..

Ok now time to get ready and go to class. Later we’re having this international food event, Le tour du monde en 80 plats! Talk soon!!!! Hehehe.

Happy Spring!

Yes, I’m sick. Pas gravement, fever, sore throat, cold. But still. Sigh.

2 nights ago, I had a minor nose bleed, as usual. The weather here is getting warmer but dryer too, and that is what I hate about the weather here in Europe. So so dry, when you go running you will literally feel the dryness in your throat.

The suckiest thing is that, I have a presentation tomorrow morning at 10am, and it’s not even a useful one as it’s during tutorial. Who does presentation during tutorial? To be honest, I actually think that the teacher/tutor is trying to find excuses to not teach/tutor our class because : 1. He does not know what to teach; 2. He never did Science du Langage and he doesn’t know a shit about linguistics. Then why tutor? Chi-makan. I’m just gonna blab tomorrow. I don’t care!

This morning when I woke up, I knew that I’m gonna have this fever. I drank like 5 bottles of water and kept going to the toilet but I still can’t get rid of it. Worst part, at 3pm, in Max Silberztein’s class, I had this dizzy feeling plus migraine, when I looked at my comrade beside me, I felt like I’m on a boat in the sea.

Now, I’m on the 5th page of my presentation and I’m going to stop. No point presenting something that I am not sure myself. Statistique Lexicale? Come on, if I misunderstand something in this chapter and I tell it to the class, they will throw shit on my face! Or I think, they will get mixed up and confused too, and I will be ruining their brains if it happens that my information is not correct. Screw you Mr. Happy. (His last name is Happy in french – Joyeux)

Let’s just hope I’ll have the strength to get up tomorrow morning.

Falling in love is a horrible feeling. Sachant que once you fall, you will not find (in the nearest time) ways to succumb and to pull yourself out from this destined catastrophe. Like seriously, I am not joking because I am at the moment, suffering from this disease.

“So who’s this guy? Why is falling in love horrible? A disease?? Why is it a destined catastrophe?”

I once went to HSBM (High School Bukit Mertajam) for form six, and the motto of the school is : “Aut Coepisse Noli Aut Confice” and it means, “To accomplish or do not begin”. I think, I’m in need to use this aphorism right now.

I just need to let someone know how I feel now, but given the decalage horaire, lack of time and the limited choice of people, I do not know who to turn in to. To be honest, I want to let the whole world know about this and then give me words of hope or encouragement because I am seriously in need of some!

Worst thing, I cannot enter the feelings into my blog, what if he reads it? And what if he doesn’t like me, we will not talk after that, and I especially do not want that to happen! I’d rather let him be oblivious about this and life goes on.

Et encore, I don’t know if this might sound stupid or not, but I begin to “treat myself better” just to attract his attention. I stop snacking, and even decided to maybe be a once-in-a-while vegan so that I can lose some weight, I start running again after 2 years of serious discontinuation. I deemed that, however faraway he can be, 1 or 10 000 km, he will somehow sometime maybe check my facebook to see what I’m up to from time to time, because we never get to see each other much?

I cannot. To accomplish or do not begin. I must not even think about it anymore, imagine the deprivations even though its achievable. Especially if it’s achievable. Especially that. There will be so much loss, and detriments, I think one is better than more. He’s far anyway. I will keep him in the dark.

P/S : As stupid as I can be, I know I will share this post in Facebook, the forbidden place. C’est une piege.

Hello fellow readers! Greetings! Haha! I’ve been blogging often lately, and I am happy and glad that my blogposts are now all in happy mode, no more negative vibes for me at the moment!!!

Guess where am I now? I’m in the train to Lyon!! This trip is not so impromptu as my friend and I planned to visit Lyon like 2 weeks ago. And it’s a one day trip so it’s not gonna be that tiring, I hope! Well the main reason why Lyon was that, Sarah’s gonna sit for her exam (I think she’s already in the exam hall now as I’m writing this post on the bloc) for the École d’Architecture and so I thought, maybe I should go join her, get Starbucks and see the beautiful town. I took the train at 1.05pm, and oh my god. I got ready late, and the bus to the station will only reach the train station at 1.03, and I know I will never going to make it if I take the bus so I walked up to the gare! Attention I walked, and ran up to the train station! It was the craziest thing I have ever done, it was so tiring, and for no reason it was so hot in Besançon at that time! Lucky for me, I managed to get a cup of latté and 2 pieces of croissants.

Got onto the train, all sweaty and sweared at the same time! Lol. And a woman sat on my seat because she thought there wasn’t going to be anybody, and also because there’s a fat man sitting next to her initial seat, haha! The fat man really looks super gross, his belly showed like he’s 9 months pregnant! He is really really huge, I feel like looking at him now again and see how big his tummy really is!! Hahahaha!!

So I sat down, took out my phone and switched on my lovely Spotify, the first track I listened to was “Summer Breeze” by Jason Mraz. The original one was sang by Seals and Crofts, it’s an old song and I remembered listening to this song when I was little, through my teenage years, and now. I miss the times whenever we went on a road trip back at my hometown, or even just a car ride to the nearest restaurant for dinner, dad will always turn on Lite n Easy fm. There is when and where I picked up my interest for oldies. Songs like Silence is Golden, Joni Please Don’t Cry, Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head, End of the Road (and the list goes on and on). Oh and I also miss this, the CD of mom and dad’s favorite hokkien songs!!! “???, ???.. lalalala~~” I’m at a point of my life where old stuffs kinda rock my world!

Anecdote : There’s a mother and daughter sleeping next to my seat, and they looked so lovely. The daughter rests her head on the mother’s shoulder, and the mother’s head is on her daughter’s.

I hope it doesn’t rain in Lyon. I checked weather forecast yesterday, and it said that Lyon will be around 3-9 degrees, partly cloudy, so it’s still ok. And yeah, talking about yesterday, Faris and I talked on the phone for nearly 4 hours!! It was cool cause the conversation was kinda like casual and the fact that we can talk about everything at all, is cool. From Adam Lambert’s gayness to summer breeze, from summer breeze to Jason Mraz, from Jason Mraz to let’s go to concerts, from let’s go to concerts to it’s 3am, let’s say byebye and go sleep! And the most awesomest thing is that, the call was totally and entirely free! I really love calling and talking on the phone!! Lol.

Starbucks, 2 Rue de Republique, 4.20pm.

Ok Lyon sucks. Lyon sucks so much that the people there suck like hell too!! People bang into each other, and the buildings are so huge you cannot even see the sun. And it’s so noisy!! I am sitting at a corner in Starbucks, and near me there’s a couple talking about their school life, how chiant it is, and then next to them there’s 2 men and I do not know what are they talking about because the one man keep laughing like a crazy donkey. Few seconds ago while I was writing the previous sentence, a guy came and asked if the chair in front me is free or not. I said yes. And he took it. Without even saying thank you. And he looked like a friend in Besançon, Raphael. He joined his friend at the table next to mine, and now he start talking : “Salut mec, ça va?” nodding his head while doing that weird high school handshake. And the girl’s boyfriend said ; “Ça va, ça va. Alors mec tu fais quoi, les vacs jvais allé skier…” so on and so forth, while one of the men kept laughing like a fucking donkey! I have to get out of here!!!

Lyon sucks hell! I’m now in McDonalds and bought a fish burger. Lol. When I was in Starbucks earlier, I read 1 of the chapters in Eat Pray Love and gosh, the people looked at me like I’m a pretty long haired alien! And I couldn’t even concentrate, I packed my stuffs and just walked out of that stupid Starbucks. Now, I’m sitting beside 3 teenage school boys who tried talking to me a few times when I was writing. They threw their plates from the table and just laughed. Is today a crazy day or the people here are just retarded? What the hell. McD is actually a good idea because I get to charge my iPhone and write this post, eat my burger while waiting for my next coffee, while chatting with Faris. Ahaha! The people here is unbelievably noisy and crazy. Lol. I miss besançon already!! The bisontins they are so friendly, you smile to anybody you see on the road despite not knowing them. But in Lyon, you are lucky enough if you don’t get pushed, and definitely luckier if weird people don’t approach you. Lol!

My legs! Lol!

So this is the view of a cathedral, from a window of which I sat next to in McDonalds.

7.23pm, on the train to Bourg en Presse.

I finally got to meet Sarah at Starbucks! What a relief! After few hours with weird people, I am so happy to be able to see a familiar face again! Bought our frap, took the bus to the train station, ran all the way from the bus stop to Voie B, hopped on the train, found empty seats and sat down. Inhale and exhale! Indeed tired! But happy because number 1, Sarah is with me now; number 2, we got our fraps; number 3, I bought a pair of black ballerinas; and number 4, we’re finally going back to good old Besançon!!!

My beautiful simple ballerinas that I’m keeping for a secret internship with some enterprise in Paris!

Overall, the trip was a tiring but a good one!! And despite not being able to visit the cathedral and some other stuffs, I had fun encountering the weird people! Hehehe! That absolutely gave me one more reason to love Besançon more!