Its 11.50pm, ten minutes till midnight. And why am i even telling about the time when i know when i publish this entry on my blog, it would be 12.30am or maybe 2.30am already.

So what did i do during the 6 free days? I promised myself that i would relax, but working, at the same time. But i just didn’t. I have been working on useless craps, like watching the same movie over and over again, taking afternoon naps even though i never feel tired like i were during college days. I have never go out town since then. And i have been trying to blog, numerous time, but something kept me away from posting it. So u can see, i have 18 drafts, since last Sunday. Awkwardness.

Today was quite an interesting day, or yesterday, because its already 5th of June now. I spent the whole day reading a new book, or e-book, (whatever u call that). A book which i planned on buying it when i drop by any bookstore, but i got it in ‘e’ version, thanks to a very good friend of mine. At least, i claim he’s one of the very good friends i have, yes, i claimed.

I loved the book. I’m on my way to Chapter 13 now. Just to acknowledge.

~~~~

Its a total weirdness when i was so anticipated to go back to my hometown, when there’s nothing much that i could do here. Because i can’t really talk to anyone. Sigh. But i do love staying at home, with family. Its just that, i needed some one that i could confide in. I really do. And i am so thankful to have this senior who will always work with me whenever i feel like i had something to spill out. I am grateful that the internet works, but i know it wasn’t enough. I needed something more. Anyways, i should say, thanks for being there for me.

What is the matter with me? I couldn’t seem to find myself the way i want me to be. What the hell?

Will be blogging for more maybe next time. I wanted to blog, but i am blanked now. I was actually waiting for someone to share something, but since it is going to be an absence, i might as well get my feet off the ground and start dreaming. Till then, adios, and good night.

Yesterday morning, i woke up, and it was 5.23am. I didn’t set the alarm at that particular hour, but i just woke up, without any adrenaline rush or wasn’t i exhausted. It was perfect. I woke up, like after finished dreaming (a beautiful dream which i can hardly even remember any piece of it :P), i looked at the clock, and then decided to go back to sleep because it was just too early.

But the uneasiness embarked when i heard some noises near me. As stressful as it may seem, i couldn’t get myself back to dreamland because the noise was too  disturbing and unfamiliar, in a way. So there i was, lying on my bed, consciously observing every single activities did by my room mate. But as the alarm clock rang, at the same time my room mate went off to Putrajaya, i had my eyes open widely, went for a bath, got myself ready, and then i stood on my bed, with a cup of nescafe, while reading “Angels & Demons”. It was perfect. I was at ease, and i really enjoyed the 30 minutes of reading and waiting for the time to leave the apartment to class.

And during the walk towards the academic building, the weather was so nice, that i felt like i were standing in the middle of the ocean. There were cold breeze and a very slight wind blowing through my hair, little squirrels were running here and there, up to the coconut trees, birds chipping, and friends, saluting each other when they met on the road. Classes were fun too, as there were not much works to do.

IN THE CONTRARY

Today/this morning, it was/is/will be a disaster. I just know. I knew that, today would be much much much more gloomy than yesterday/tomorrow. There will be pissed-off faces, for sure. I can assure that. U know, negative plus negative will never be positive. So that is why, there are sayings that asked us to smile always, take things easy, and stuffs like that. Emotions can influence, and be influenced. Point finale.

p/s : Let’s just see what will happen today, and i will blog it tomorrow. I actually wanted to blog the first half yesterday, because yesterday (and what happened yesterday from morning until 3pm) were really agreable and wonderful. After that, everything was sadistic.

Last friday, i went to Midvalley’s post office with Jasmine to send something to my bestfriend Nia, and then we went back to the hostel straight away after Jasmine bought her food. While waiting for Jas to finish up her shoppings, i went to Speedy a while to search for a cd. And at that moment, they played Louis Armstrong’s What a Wonderful World. So i was singing along, until a guy came in and asked me, what is the title of this song. I wasn’t sure if the title is Wonderful World, or What a Wonderful World, or, what so ever, so i actually wanted to tell him to ask the people working here. But all of a sudden, i said, “Hey, i think the title of this song is What a Wonderful World, if i am not mistaken, and the singer is er, let me see, Neil Armstrong?” then i giggled. Haha! It came out spontaneously and i didn’t realise that i actually mentioned Neil Armstrong when the singer is supposed to be Louis Armstrong! Haha! Luckily i giggled, and then that guy laughed and said, “U’re funny!!” =___=” And to cover up my chagrin, i suddenly asked him why do he need this song for, and i, actually started a conversation with this cute guy. OMG! He is cute, at least he got Jay Chou’s hair and he really looked like a chi-ed (chinese education) but he spoke good english! But he didn’t stay long. He said he’s from Taiping but he is starting his work in KL in Menara IGB to be exact, so, yea, i didn’t even know why we talked about that. Lols.

So that guy went off and i continue on searching my discs. I was actually looking for Sepet the movie as presents for my 2 beautiful young but knowledgeable french lecturers (Emilie & Stephanie) for teacher’s day. And why would i want to choose that movie as a present? Well, they showed us movies on how the french live their life, eg, discriminating and discriminated, to love and be loved, to speak out their minds, and a lot more stuffs i had never imagine before. And i am so sure that they will not have any idea on how things go in Malaysia, outside of KL of course. And the story of this peranakan boy, falling in love with this Malay girl is one of the best piece for them!

The holidays will be starting very soon and i reckon, it won’t last for long either. After the break, we will have to commence a new term, c’est a dire, homeworks and exams again. I was actually thinking of reading the books i bought from MPH warehouse sale, but i still haven’t get the chance to read even one of them. Great big sigh.

Anyone out there missing me? Because i haven’t been exploring KL like i always do last year. I want to go for a walk in Bukit Bintang. I want to run at Taman Jaya. I want to play basketball every evening like i used to. I miss those days! An even great big sigh!!

It is 2.26 am now and i still haven’t finish doing my assignments. Literature. Why do u always have to kill me!!!! +______+”"

Its 2.02 am, and i am not asleep yet. *Yawns* Finished reading Ryan’s new blog, and surprisingly, i kinda feel weird and sad when i start to think, again. It is not because that Ryan has got a new blog page or what, but the fact that we are all growing up really sadden me. Chey was once a university girl, came out and start working with companies, but now, she’s a full time housewife, taking care of her son and her husband. (Ça m’étonne, vraiment de voir le changement exact de ma chère sœur.) But its a good thing, still, because her life will be much easier like that, as she has got a good husband that can take care of her and the family. But i will be missing the times when she wants to take me to the lake, but i didn’t want to because i was always afraid that i will fall. Chicken!

Haihz, i scored my exam, badly. So bad that it made me flash back on how i studied for my exams during secondary school. I never passed my exam, because i was so busy for other things but academic. I preferred running at the field, band practice, that i put my studies aside. But thanks a lot to God, i got my SPM, and i am out of  school.

Honestly, i didn’t do my exam well. I didn’t know what happened to myself, because all this while i know i do well, and i never ever stop studying. I won’t get less than 70% and i know, if i get less than that, i can call myself stupid because language is what i really am made for. I only need to focus on 1 subject, and that is the simplest thing i have ever done in my whole life. And what now, i ended up scoring 59/100, ranking second last. I WAS usually the top, at least top 3, but now, i am down below. Haihz, i am disappointed, but i have to accept it anyhow. Knowing that i don’t usually stay at the bottom, i know i will score better in my next exam. (This might sound corky and arrogant, but i need to get my confidence back!)

Anyways, a big felicitation to Atiqa, my classmate for getting the highest for B2. Seriously your efforts really paid!

Its 2.35am, and i gotta go. I have to wake up early tomorow to wash the clothes and then go breakfast with sisters. DimSum i hope!

Au revoir mes cheries!

Remember i said i was so sad because of some misunderstandings between me and my best friend, that i wanted so much to shout out loud and cry and sleep the whole day and do whatever i can to forget about that? Ahax! Indeed i slept! It was the Friday that i was simply thinking that it’s no use to grieve for something that might not come to life again, so i decided to delete all the un-cool memories in my head, and heart. And then i went to sleep on my royal bed, hugging my fish plushie and my powerpuff girl huggable pillow. Then suddenly i heard a super loud cry from the back of the house, but i was just too lazy to bother. “It might be some snakes wandering around in somebody’s room, or maybe they found a dead baby somewhere, erm, ahh!! Maybe somebody found out she’s pregnant!” Haha! Evil thoughts right? But i was just too lazy to bother! At that time, i just wanted to sleep, and wake up at 5, pack up my stuffs, go back to my sister’s place and rest in peace. So i just couldn’t be bother, i just meh with it! (First time using ‘meh’ actually, thanks to the KIP! :P) Suddenly, a classmate came in to my royal chamber and said, “kite semua lulus B2″. So there it goes again, the super loud shouting and yelling, came from ME! Haha!! I was soooooo damn excited to know that everyone in my cohort passed this frightening exam, and 100% man! 100% passed! Phew and Yay~ Congratulations guys, congratulations!

So we are relieved. Now it is time for us to prepare stuffs to go there, while having fun during the weekdays! HAVING FUN ON WEEKDAYS! How cool is that? Haha! I find sleeping very annoying nowadays. Its like, i sleep every free time i have and it is unhealthy! I am gonna find some beneficial things to do during the evening like finishing up my novels, running around the garden, basketball, swimming, or whatever shit i can do! How i wish i can go fishing, or maybe climbing hills, go walking around the beach, and some other stuffs from what i used to do. I want to go to Bali, but i never had the chance to. Come on, who wants to go to Bali with me??

Well, i had a lot more things to say, but i don’t have enough time. I gotta go back to the hostel in 15 minutes time, so i guess i just have to say chow now. I really had a great time at home this weekend because i am happy. I am happy that my whole class passed the exam, and i think i will be in a very good mood for the whole week!

Will update as soon as i can, arrivederci for now!

Hiding within my vision, always lingering beside, can guess love is not present,
After happily playing & laughing, and be able to totally retreat; as long as you are happy it’s enough.

This kind of feeling is too loving & warm, and to speak a thousand phrases would be insufficient.
What if you were to hear it and afterwards leave,
This kind of love is too rare, doesn’t need to completely possess,
Giving approval, give my blessings wholeheartedly, then let go.

Let go, let go of everything, both will have greater freedom,
Let go, in fact it’s not because I do not love enough,
Let go, let go of everything without reserve, will still have a good friend
It’s already, already enough.

From a distance, in the background of “universal silence”, just observing is enough.

This kind of feeling is too loving & warm and to speak a thousand phrases would be insufficient.
Even though there was an instant, on impulse where I wanted to hold your hand,
This kind of love is too rare, doesn’t need to completely possess,
Even with heaviness of heart, its best to just let go.

Let go, let go of everything, both will have greater freedom,
Let go, in fact it’s not because I do not love enough,
Let go, let go of everything without reserve, will still have a good friend,
It’s already, already enough.

Let go, my memories of you cannot find an ending,
Let go, wish you will have happiness & everything.
Maybe, love is very deep, but I have already seen it through
Can only possess when i let go.

~~~~

It sounded better in Cantonis though! Muahaha~ Guys, please listen to this song. Its touching. And it is so me. Thanks to Raymond!!

I told myself that i won’t gonna rant, i told myself i won’t gonna react. But i just did. Its ironie that i told myself, if somebody’s bad on me, i’m gonna do the same. But heck, i situated myself at the centre of over-reaction & ignorance, that i chose to throw away all the brilliant logics of being cold to someone when he or she did something that i’m not confortable with. Very, unconfortable with. So voila, i ended up disappointed, upset, unhappy, gloomed, dejected, & bleeding inside.

I am a 20 year old girl, & I just wanna have fun whenever i get to, with whoever i want to, doing what ever i feel to. But things never go the way i always wanted them to. And i had always put myself on a very hard situation, where i forgive people very easily, even though in the end, its me who will suffer the debris and the disappointment.

But who cares now. I am gonna leave Malaysia for good, and i will have the super different types of friends over there. So i will soon get over it, get over my stupid self, and be as happy as i can be. And i won’t bother to care about a thing, anymore. Being 20, i decided that i will make it the happiest age in my life.

15th April, 2009. I had the most wonderful night, having fun on the cement stairs beside the cantine, celebrating my 19th birthday which was supposed to be on 24th December 2008. Thanks guys! And the best thing is that after that party, we had a tecktonik dance session in the room. Haha! Even though we were only three, but we had tecktonik! And that was seriously cool! Can’t wait to do it again.

Thats my birthday cake!! (Although its a shared cake, with 3 other classmates)

Then the next day, it was sports day! I didn’t really participate in anything so i didn’t really care about it. People were busy recruiting people for marching (fortunately they didn’t asked me to go) but the heck is that, somebody, came to me and complained to me, asking me to join her butt but i said no because no one from the upper body asked me to go so i just kept quiet. And now she’s exagerating with rude sms and then asking me for forgiveness. Babi betul. Go away la, nuff said.

My paranoia is coming back again. Sigh. So i was wondering, when will i get the guy of my life la, like in those movies, where you get to spend time with your guys. My friends were always asking the same thing to me and i’ll always go : hey chill la, your time will come. And now, i repeat the same thing again, but who will say that to me now? Haihz. In that so many guys that i know, some are already in a relationship, some married, and some singles but they’re trying so hard to get the girl of their dreams. Too bad i’m not the one who will go and just get whoever out side there, and i don’t fancy match makers. Haha! Stupid. But its funny because i’ve been going out with guys, even though i’m not the type of girl who will simply go out with guys i don’t hanker for. Believe me, i only go out with my really really best guy friends, guys i spent 5 years knowing them, travelling with them, then my collegemates, those i had crush on, bottom line, i don’t go out with guys just like that. If i do, then that guy must be the guy i really go for. LOL.

(taken from http://www.longbeachrealestatehome.com/m/blogs/lbreh/YoungCoupleOnSwings.jpg)

Just look how sweet is that. Sigh. =.=”

p/s : What does it means, if we dreamt of losing teeths, and it hurts? I dreamt i lost few teeths and i kinda feel the pain. What the heck right?

Saya pening la. Suddenly say want to replace class this Saturday. But replace thisz raya’s holiday. WE WON’T EVEN BE HERE DURING RAYA ALSO WHY DO WE HAVE TO ATTEND THE FREAKING CLASS RIGHT. What a retard. And erjie already tell everyone to make sure that they will be free on this Saturday. If i say i can’t make it, a bit like too besar like that right, everybody come down for the photoshoot, suddenly i not there. What, i am not anak angkat/derhaka ok, i want to be in the family photo. This will be the last family photo for me in three years because i might not be here during 3 chinese new years so i might not be able to take family photo again. Sobb. Tak mau tak mau. Saya nak masuk dalam family photo juga. Why la all these problems keep happening to me. I’m sick of this life, i just wanna scream. Why does this, happened to me. (Untitled - Simple Plan)

Everyday, got new blogpost. Everyday got new complaints. Everyday got new problem. Haihz. Why la. Nasib baik there are some people who are good enough to listen to me. Thanks. You guys rock. And today, i fly Nancie’s kite lagi. (Was supposed to go jogging with her yesterday, but i slept, and i texted her at 7pm. Then she said, she wanted to say babi to me. Haha. But today, i tak jadi because of some reason, so i texted her, and she said she smiled and went back to sleep again. :D)

Yikes, i like this guy. But he already got girlfriend. He is a little bit like the one i had a crush on early last year. But, i think this one is better because he’s a very good guy and he’s just good. I should not even think about that also because he already have a girlfriend. But, things can happen right? Better no la. (=.=”) Mood : Indifferent. A little bit disappointed. But as long as we’re friends, its cool.

Hello there. (Alamak, what a random introduction. :P)

Anyways, for all of your information, i finished my exam yesterday, at 4.30pm. I repeat, i finished my exam yesterday, the external exam, which is the DELF B2, the exam that they had in all European countries, the only exam for the french students in IPBA, (or shall i say IPGM KBA) and the only exam that we studied for, 2 consequent years in the college. WOOOOOHOOOOOOO~~~~~~

So normally, after the exams, what would u think i’ll do? My classmates had already planned a trip to Pulau Langkawi, which i am quite looking forward to, although i am not really interested for a vacation there. Ahahaha. Actually i already have a few things to do. I want to spend a weekend in Bali. I planned to go around Seremban and spend a night in a resort in Port Dickson with my friends. (I really want to spend a whole day on the beach, eating, sleeping, playing, talking.) I will go to GSC every Wednesday because they have special rates on that day. And i think i will be superbly busy, helping my sister with her wedding preparation. Yippee. There’s just so many stuffs to be listed here, and i can’t help but to keep thinking and planning again and again even thought most of them might not be realised. Blegh. =.=”

But the problem is, what makes you think that i will be able to do all that i’ve planned? After all the exams, the studies, now its the time to start doing all the preparations like the visa, bla this and bla that. And we already received the piles of works, which was meant to be prepared only when we arrived France. A lot of stuffs, seriously, a lot of stuffs. I am, seriously, very, tensed. Sigh.

Whatever it is, i will make sure that the trip to Port Dickson will go on, because this might be the last ever vacation or outing for me and my PISMP friends. I don’t want to have a farewell dinner somewhere in IPBA because it isn’t special enough. Imagine, you went to the same eating place like everyday, and you are going to celebrate your farewell party there? Hell no! At least if you go to a better place, you can snap photos, prettier photos. So the heck with Scud and block 4!

~~~~~

(Story of the trip to the hairdresser, Part 2)

The auntie charged me RM195, and she said she will give me a complementary haircut and treatment again, this week. She asked me to come, and buy the shampoo and conditioner. Durh~ I won’t go there, for sure. So today, i am happy to say that i had already got over with the issue with my spoilt hair. I spent almost RM500 in 3 months time for my hair, and thanks to the auntie, i ended up having the worst hairstyle in my entire life. Thanks thanks. =.=”

Okla, time to go now. Its 4pm, and later i will be going to Taman Jaya for a jog, and then a little dinner in Scud. Haha! Again, Scud.

Arrivederci!