Jessica is back to blogging, and she has a lot to say and tell.

This week had been a super tough week for her, because some unwanted incidents keep happening again and again, and she was totally pissed off.

Remember during the Chinese New Year holiday, she went back early because she wanted to follow her sister back by car instead going back by bus? A week before that, she kind of pleaded to the HEP to permit her holiday, but then they took so long to even look at the letter? Then she have to really2 follow her sister since the HEP people didn’t do anything and the bus tickets were so hard to get. So, she just went back, without bothering about the damn letter (Right, this part, she was wrong) She actually expected the HEP to sign the form and let her go back early, like THOSE WHO WENT BACK 2 OR 3 DAYS EARLY DURING THE AIDILFITRI IN 2007. Gosh, she is so mad because the HEP didn’t approve her holidays, but she went back already. So she just don’t give a damn, but she still gave one letter out but those HEP made don’t know. Few days ago, those people ask to see her because in the register book there are columns written under her name as *absent without permission* But then she wanted to just run away and make don’t know about the f*cking problem because she just don’t want to make things big. If those holidays were not permitted, so what. So, just leave the stupid column a circle with an X in it, and don’t bother her about what she did. Just make a record about that and leave her alone! Gah!!!!! *angry angry*

~~~~~

That, totally crushed her mood for going shopping and stuffs. As she was strolling around, she thought about that matter again. She worries that the matter might be a discipline problem case or what. She was clearly made by those barbarians that if she is proven to be absent without permission, she will be slipped from exams and stuffs. Where, she thinks, is absolutely unfair. She is a quite bright student, and if she fail to sit for exam, that is so not worth it.

~~~~~

She is having a sudden flu now, and she is really pissed off.

I hate internet connection yang can’t work properly.. I can’t connect to the internet laa!!!! I cannot do research with my laptop! I can’t upload photos, i can’t chat with Adnin, i can’t go youtube, i can’t blog, i can’t facebook! *pengsan*

Its not the network’s fault, i think. Its my laptop! Now, i’m using my friend’s to blog, and stuffs. But, it is so inconvenient! I need broadband.

Ok, stop bout the network thingy. I am loaded with work, research and debates. With laptop and fast connection, i definitely can finish them. Vice versa.

I haven’t been taking proper meal since the day i’m in IPBA. Well, i got hungry, but just not craving for food. If i am given a plate of X-Meal, or a set of McChicken, i won’t bother to eat also. I just don’t have the crave. When i’m hungry, a cup of coffee will do. Or, a glass of mineral water is ok!

I miss home, i miss momy, i miss dady. I miss Ryan, I miss chey. I miss dimsum, i miss wahlaitoi, i miss my bed. I miss everything at home.

Gotta chow now. Still have stuffs to do.

*SobbSobb*

Night.

Am i excited for the start of new semester? Erm, quite, i guess. Haha. Well, its kinda fun, to start new semester, despite of the new time table and new subjects, added by the lecturer. In this new sem, we don’t have Civilisations or Manuel, that means, we don’t have to learn by using the text book, which is a big relieve for me! No more text book taking to the class! =) Haha, however, few weird and dificult subjects are added, for example, ‘Aspect Sociaux Culturels’ which is quite similar to Civilisations, but more precise. We have TPE also, which is travail personelle encadre (individual work). Although it is an individual work, the lecturer will facilitate us with informations we need, and not to forget, the internet as well. But, since the internet connection in our hostel block is not as strong as other block, i might have difficulties in doing my research. That means, i have to merajinkan myself to WALK to the library, or go to the common room to use the LAN. (not lan, but local area network) haha. But what the heck, i can always finish up the work in erjie’s place, Subang! Hahaha.

I hope i will not be as lazy as last semester, where i hardly go to the library, and i sleep almost every evening! Gosh!! A true lazy girl. =P

Ok, i am so tired of studying different things at the same time actually. For example, when i have to do research on pollution, and at the same time, i have to finish synthese about other subjects, such as study system in France. Obviously, it is different and sooo need the help of thesaurus and dictionary to produce the best synthese right? *pfft* pengsan la like that!

Whatever it is, i am sure that i will have to work triple hard for my DELF B2 exam this November. Exams again and again. Thank God we will not have to take the C1 in Malaysia, because if we do, i will not have to to amuse in Malaysia. No more ice skating, bowling and cinema!! Tidakkkk!!!!! I want to excel in my B2 because if not, what for take exam? =P

Enough of rantings now, i remembered i have alot of works to do.

But guess what, will come back and blog tomorrow! Nadege is not here till Thursday, so i can curi some time from the Grammaire class and ASC class to blog and facebook!

*hungry*

Byebye!

*kisses for all!*

Here goes my rantings and crapping. I don’t want to label myself stupid, or anything negative because, i don’t want others to think that i have low self esteem. But, sometimes, i just, do feel like that.

Few days ago, i did something, without thinking deep about the consequences. Things that no body will want to be proud of doing, and things that some people might not do it maybe because of them not being brave enough. But that doesn’t mean that what i did was not right. Wrong, in the sense of rules and regulations. Curious, and naive, i was. And the consequences, were from what i did and what i brought myself into. What i wanted and what i got, contributed to the tears i have shed. No, it was not your fault, and i will never blame you. I am sorry to tag you along in this trouble somehow, but i am certain you do feel something for what you have done anyway. Impoverished experience, i never expected that it can mean more than just what i thought. You are right in certain subject, but sorry to say, from my perspective, you are absolutely wrong in some ways. Anyhow, i will not blame you.

Nonetheless, i cannot pretend that nothing has happen, neither can i let go of it. I am known for my sensitive side, and i can never forget things easily. Up till this moment, i still browse your page and your photos even though i feel the blues and melancholies when i saw them. I still can feel the glumness, but i hope its not for long.

Now that i knew, i will be cautious. Extra conservative. Thanks to you, i finally realize how foolish i was, yet, at the same time, i gained something important.

Experience is worthy, anyhow.

And they are worth to be learned.

Sentiments de mon cœur,

ne sera pas chaleureux,

destiné à être blessé,

très mal blessé.

Et toi,

tu peux le voir?

Pendant le soir,

pour centièmes de fois,

moi,

je me restais soi..

Et toi,

tu peux le sentir?

quel horrible à être mentie?

Mais je restais silence,

ne faire jamais aucune offense,

car je sais,

l’offense si je faisais,

ne sera pas écoutée..

Sentiments de mon cœur,

ne sera pas chaleureux,

destiné à être blessé,

très très mal blessé.

Jessica 14/06/2008

Argh, wrote this post already one, but laptop buat hal pulak, sien!

Haha, ok2. Actually, when i first heard this song, i thought the lyrics would mean something like “perempuan and lelaki yang promise, but never tunaikan the janji, then they broke!” or something like that. haha, then when i read the lyrics, and the translation, its almost the same. Hew, wonder how Jay Chou can get so romantic. <3…

Ok, here are the lyrics and the translations itself. Enjoy!

Jay Chou- The Promise of Dandelion

Lyrics

Xiao xie li ba bang de pu gong ying
Shi ji ying li you wei dao de feng jing wu

Shui cao chang chuan lai ta de shen yin
Duo shao nian hou ye kai shi hen hao ding
Jiang yuan wang zhe zhi fei ji ji chu xin
Ying wei wo men deng bu dao na liu xing
Deng chen dou zhui li ming yun de yin li
Que bu zhi dao dao di neng qu na li

Chorus:

Yi jing zhang da de yue ding na yang qing xi
Na guo dao de wo xiang xin
Shuo hao yao yi qi lu xing
Shi ni ru jin wei yi jian chi de ren xingt

Zai zou lang xiang ba zhan da shou xin
Wo men que zhu yi chuang bian de qing di
Wo qu dao na li ni dou gen hen jing
heng ge er meng zai deng dai zhe jing xi

Chorus:

Yi jing zhang da de yue ding na yang qing xi
Na guo dao de wo xiang xin
Shuo hao yao yi qi lu xing
Shi ni ru jin wei yi jian chi de ren xing

Yi jing zhang da de yue ding na yang zhen xi
Yu ni liao bu wan de ceng jing
Er wo yi jing fen bu qing ni shi you qing
Hai shi cuo guo de ai qing

Translations

The dandelions at a bamboo fence of the primary school
Several miles of a beautiful landscape
The fogged watery grass place passed on her voice
Many years later it still started to be good to hear
Just wish the folded aeroplane paper will put out the truth
It is because we can’t wait for that meteor
Waiting the pillow to fall by the gravitation of destiny
Yet don’t know where it is able to go

Chorus:

A grown up promise, that much clear
Holding it through until I believe
Agreed to travel together
Now it is you solely, who strong headedly insist

wanted to seize her palm at the passage
Yet we paid attention to the love rival at the window side
Wherever I go, you are so close with me
Humming songs and dreams, while waiting for surprise

Chorus:

A grown up promise, so clear
Holding it through until I believe
Agreed to travel together
Now it is you solely, who strong headedly insist

A grown up promise, that much valueable
something to do with the incomplete talk you said that moment
Yet I already can’t differ, you are friendship
Or the wronged love

This song actually can make me cry. I actually cried a few times already. Haha! *emotional Jessica* By the way, i can play this song already!! Heeee~ Actually there are few other songs la, nice also. Like, Zui Zhang De Dian Ying ( The Longest Movie), Cai Hong (Rainbow), the one he duet with Fei Yu Ching also quite nice.. Ju Hua Tai, Shan Hu Hai, Ting Ma Ma De Hua and many others la, malas to list ardy.

and also best describe bout what i want to express..

Secondhand Serenade - Its Not Over

My tears run down like razor blades
And no, I’m not the one to blame, it’s you
Or is it me?

And all the words we never say come out
And now we’re all ashamed
And there’s no sense in playing games
when you’ve done all you can do

(chorus)
But now it’s over, it’s over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it’s over, it’s over, it can’t be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it’s over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry

I’m shaking from the pain that’s in my head
I just want to crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won’t let it die
I won’t let it die (Repeat Cho.)

I’m falling apart, I’m falling apart
Don’t say this won’t last forever
You’re breaking my heart, you’re breaking my heart
Don’t tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over, we could be… forever (2X)

It’s not over, it’s not over, it’s never over
Unless you let it take you
It’s not over, it’s not over, it’s not over
Unless you let it break you

It’s not over

I am confused, and guess i’ll stay confused until like dunno when. *kesian myself* Feel like going back home, and not coming back again.. but, can meh? =.=” waaaaaaaaa.. why can’t i just stay at home and play dominos with Ryan? Thanks to the stupid exam on sundays, that made me back in KL. If not, i might still be at home, now, playing with Ryan, n watching astro. *jessica craps again* heeeeeeeeee~ i want to cry. Yeah, i cry very easily. Sensitive ma, what to do. But i can still tahan my tears wan, i’ll cry when i’m alone in my room. Hah! Crap again.

Excusez-moi, je n’arrive pas de consulter moi-meme non plus.. je dois raconter les choses aux amis qui peuvent me comprendre, mais a meme temps, il ou elle sait comment de me consulter.. *pfft*

What to say ar? Okla, since people like to story about their kawan rapat yang berlainan gender, why not i post mine? Heee~

Okla, reveal something out. When i first came in to this college, i got close with a guy name Idzrul. UNTA! We are not classmate nor coursemate, but we just became rapat because of some gossip thingy. We were so close that whenever we hang out, we will like box each other until my arms jadi blueblack! (not completely blue black la, but feel the pain, haha) We usually hangout together with the guys at the foodstalls near out college, then we will like, “hey, pay for me!! no-no, u pay urself,” then suddenly “buk!” “hey stop boxing me!” “bam! bong! bleehhh.. (watever sound la hahaha.. )” It was painful, yet fun. Last year, like most of the time, we played bowling together. The first time we hang out was at Alamanda Putrajaya, during the National Day thingy, then there was one day free, so we decided to hang out together. Haha, it wasn’t planned though, cause when we reached Alamanda, we just randomly ikut the gang and do whatever we can. Haha, we bowled la of course. Then we went to the arcade for some dancing! Yeah, that was the best part. I was like, hey u like dancing to? Haha, perfect match then. =P Few days later, there goes. Our “friendship” began. haha, yeah, we hang out lots with the guys, and we bowled (most of the time). Can say like, we’re good friends, but since he got to know a girl, yea, he kinda menjauhkan diri from us. *sobb* But what the heck, we still hang out up till today! haha.

Me and Idzrul and the makcik behind, cekak-ing her pinggang, =.=”

Ok, second one will be, Mizan, this tall guy. We got to know during the vacation to Bukit Tinggi. Tell u, he is so tall! Haha, Nothing much about this guy, but, yea, we are rapat la, although he got girlfriend and we seldom hang out.

(Don’t have his photo with me now, too bad!)

Hoi! Not to forget, my tadika mate, Nia. haha, we went to the same tadika, without knowing each other la. But then, we met each other again during our secondary. And, we were in the band troup. He is the type of guy who loves to maki memaki temaki, so, since we were always together most of the time, i became immune with all those maki. Haha. Yea, we buka puasa together also, because we were quite close with the band punya penasihat, mr Amir Shauki aka Diva yang Vogue. Thanks to him, we went to the pasar malam, we hang out in kfc, n stuffs. Then, after all those years in secondary, we even worked in Pearl View hotel, as receptionists. Haha, played with the phone n stuffs. Honestly, he was a great friend. We share the same interest and hobby, and we still contact each other up till today. =)

(Don’t have pictures with him in my laptop also eh! *sigh* )

Lelaki only ar, i have lots of girlfriends also ye! Haha..

Ok, a few girls yang very rapat with me. Wai Yee. This katak girl. I kenal her when we were 10. She stays beside my grandma’s house, and whenever i go back to ipoh, i will call her up and we will sembang under the tree, haha. And sometimes, we’ll go to the post office to buy some ice cream soda, then we duduk balik and chat. She will sembang with my relatives, and i do sembang with her mother too! Haha. Miss those time..

(We haven’t take photos since form 5 i think)

Ida? Woi goldfish! This crazy girl. Kenal during secondary also. haha, we berfalsafah during the night, and honestly, i feel very ngam with her. *im not a les, pls* we enjoy coffee, staying up, philosophy-ing, chatting, EATING, and crapping. Haha, and just now, baru je crap with her about panjat memanjat. She enjoy hearing my rantings also, haha. Looking forward to crap with her lively! =p

Don’t have gambar bersama, haha. So, introducing, Ida! Hahaha

Grace Lee? Haha, just got to know this girl recently about 3 or 4 months ago. She is cute, haha. Don’t kembang2. Then, she’s nice. Honestly. Hope to be goodfriends with her until the day i go away from the bumi la. =)

Grace and I

And then, my mates, Pons, Jaf, and all la, they really are the best. Argh, wanted to story more, but im sien already. N i want to go and dream first. Ahahaha. Toodles la! beee~

Gee, i am really missing something right now, but i don’t really know what it is. Mom? Dad? Chey? Ryan? Well, i always miss them. 24/7. But, it is just not that. I’m missing something that don’t belong to me. There’s this guy, i met like months ago. (i met, but don’t think i exist in his heart anyway) Yea, and we kinda met each other recently, but then i knew he was taken. Well, i wasn’t expecting him to like me, when i wasn’t sure whether i really like him or not. He is really the type of guy that i fancy, a little muscular with big arms, tall and of course good looking. I always thought of him, but i was sure nothing will happen between us because he was taken, and me, i am not really the type of girl who will get committed with stuffs like that. And i decided that i will just like him, in the sense that he is an interesting guy that everybody will get attracted to.

But so, i tend to have feelings for him. I thought of him now and then, and when i passed by him, i felt super happy (even knowing that he might not bother) and i even dream of him. “What’s the point of liking a guy when he doesn’t even bother if u exists?” Well, it was me who thought that he might not know a thing about me, but i do believe, maybe he knows a little, by the way i always looked at him? And there is even a probability that he knows that i had been looking at him or maybe he do likes me a little too? Why not be a bit optimistic, as things can change when u act to it. Well, it was my fault for not introducing myself when i had the chance to, and i really wish if i would have the chance again. Yea, i do hope for it.

But, when i think about this matter again and again, i would prefer not to say a word to him. Why bother him when he is taken? Why would u want to make things complicated when u can choose not to? But what about my feelings? What about my dream to be with him and stuffs? Things are getting so and so complicated, he never knows.

So here i am now, contemplating whether to tell him the truth, or just be friends with him, until something else happens. Or just stay single until the day i teach. I won’t know. And i just don’t know what to do. Maybe i just stay the way i am now, and pretend that this post is nothing. Like they said : “19 years old girl still have a far far way to go, so why spend your time searching for the guy that later might not be the one on the isle with u?”

*sigh*

Haihz, the exam was not as easy as i thought. It was difficult than i expected. What the hell, the questions were so complicated, and the text was like… hah, unbelievable.. There were a lot of phrases that i could note even understand what does it mean. Unlike other exercises that i had done earlier. And the third part, the essay writing, tak ade surat rasmi pun? Before the exam my friends and i like memorize the whole format and the introduction and conclusion phrases lagi teruk than the priest who hafal the bible! Ok, but i admit, the third part was easier than the first and second. Heee~ Haiya, don’t know what to comment already about the exam. What i hoped for is that the oral session will be easier. =.=”

ya, before i forgot. Thanks to Adnin for transferring his good luck anyway! =P