Wah.. I went to UM just now. Eh no, i walked to UM. Was planning to go swimming actually. But then when we reached there, the pool is close until next week because of some technical problem. Shhss.. Restless.

Got somebody kutuk my blog eh? He/she said that my blog stories too many things that happen daily, not things that are good to be read and sourceful. *Blegh =P to u*.. Didn’t scold him/her back also. Because i don’t want to bother bout what he/she talk also. Biaq pi la! Hahah.

Why am i so passive leh these days? Tired? Lazy? Heartbroken? … I also don’t know. I don’t go hang out like i used to anymore. And i don’t crave for McD like i always do before this. Why leh? ~Changements du gouts?~ (taste changing?) Maybe also.

After walking back to college, we stopped at scud there for a while to tapau milo ice. Then, i saw someone. I wasn’t sure that was him at first. But i didn’t want to look again as i don’t dare to. Don’t dare?? Yea, because if i do, i will get stuck by looking at his face then i will think of him over and over again.

Why that happen leh? Its not like the first time also this happen to me. Hurm, but its the first time la experiencing things as terrible as this. =( Why couldn’t i just let go leh? Just ignore la, make dunno, buat bodoh je, forget bout him la, relax2 can ady… That is what i keep saying to myself. But in the end, i cannot do it also.

Maybe i need him to act first leh? Say hi first, or smile at me, i will surely reply what. Or maybe i need to say hi to him first. Only he will react ma. But what if he ignores me? Won’t that hurts me more? How am i suppose to know woh. He didn’t say anything also, how to expect me to understand what he wants la. Maybe he don’t bother also if i say hi or smile or what, so i just make dunno la! Its not like i intended to make dunno or ignore him also what.

I think i need time. I really2 need time to console myself and don’t think about that again. Happy or sad, it is just a part of life what. Come what may. *Sobbsobb*

As i was watching Chinese Drama in my laptop, the wireless network were suddenly connected to 3com without my consent. I was happy at first because i haven’t been able to go online in ipba since the day i came back from the holidays. I updated my blog usually at Erjie’s place in Subang, and sometimes, i borrow my friend’s laptop. Today, since the connection had been a little bit ok, i am sure after this i might be able to connect to 3com again, (although it might be slow and lagging)

Yea, the past weekend, i went back to Erjie’s place and we went shopping in One-Utama. I actually wanted to buy some clothes and shoes as mine were already old and some of my bb t’s were a little bit faded already. Most of the time, i will just buy from Fila, but nowadays, i don’t really attracted to them anymore. The problem is that i just can’t find the one i like in One-Utama. I tried all shops but it seems like the ones i love were super expensive. And a 19 year old girl like me shouldn’t waste most of my money in investing such expensive clothes. But in the end, i did bought something that really caught my eye. A bag, with cute cartoon cars design on it. Ok, i know its hard to imagine, but it is really cute. Just spot me when i walk to class. I will use that bag often because i <3 heart <3 it so much! =P *i might keep that bag for my kids also* hahaha…

Yea, and we went to watch Incredible Hulk, and i kinda like the show. I rate it 3/5 * la. I actually wanted to watch Amazing Grace, because the trailer was quite interesting and i am a kind of person who enjoy this genre of movie (historical dramas with old ancient background)

Today, i went out again to Midvalley to accompany Ayn, my coursemate. She wanted to buy a pair of shoes because her shoes were torn like crocodile’s mouth! *ngap!*
I usually thought that, Midvalley is not really an interesting place to shop because there were not many choises of shops and most of them were crowded with people. *barfs* And today, i think we explored the whole midvalley, and found out some super cute shops at the ground floor, selling all those chics dresses, blouses, pants and skirts. They were incredibly cute and reasonable! MNA, Nichii, Orange, and some more. I also manage to buy a pair of sandals and a blue colour blouse that i really like. But, my purse do hurt a little. =P

We watched Amazing Grace. Finally. And it was not like what i expected. The story line is boring, and throughout the whole movie, i was freakingly sleepy. Gah!! But overall, i do understand what does the story means. But what the heck, i enjoy popcorns and coke! Hahaha.. =P

Yea, i met Guna and Jarod in MidV also. Guna was like calling me but i just could’t listen eh. Sorry Guna. Until he tapped me on my shoulder. Well, i took quite some time to remember who is he anyway, haha because i haven’t met him for ages! =P Oh yea, and the Cohort 2 people are going for their practicum already. Wow. Really near to a teacher’s life already i guess. *bites nail*

I’ll be going out again tomorrow i guess. Maybe to UM for swimming. I haven’t go swimming for like a month already and i miss the pool so much! Haha. But, just not sure yet. I might change plan last minute, like i always do.

~~~~

Today, there were only 2 periods of lessons, and i really had the time to rest in the class. Tomorrow, it will be only 1 period of class, which is the Expression Orale class. And the lecturer is planning to give us a topic for a debate like she always do. That, really kills the time! Yippee!

Jessica is back to blogging, and she has a lot to say and tell.

This week had been a super tough week for her, because some unwanted incidents keep happening again and again, and she was totally pissed off.

Remember during the Chinese New Year holiday, she went back early because she wanted to follow her sister back by car instead going back by bus? A week before that, she kind of pleaded to the HEP to permit her holiday, but then they took so long to even look at the letter? Then she have to really2 follow her sister since the HEP people didn’t do anything and the bus tickets were so hard to get. So, she just went back, without bothering about the damn letter (Right, this part, she was wrong) She actually expected the HEP to sign the form and let her go back early, like THOSE WHO WENT BACK 2 OR 3 DAYS EARLY DURING THE AIDILFITRI IN 2007. Gosh, she is so mad because the HEP didn’t approve her holidays, but she went back already. So she just don’t give a damn, but she still gave one letter out but those HEP made don’t know. Few days ago, those people ask to see her because in the register book there are columns written under her name as *absent without permission* But then she wanted to just run away and make don’t know about the f*cking problem because she just don’t want to make things big. If those holidays were not permitted, so what. So, just leave the stupid column a circle with an X in it, and don’t bother her about what she did. Just make a record about that and leave her alone! Gah!!!!! *angry angry*

~~~~~

That, totally crushed her mood for going shopping and stuffs. As she was strolling around, she thought about that matter again. She worries that the matter might be a discipline problem case or what. She was clearly made by those barbarians that if she is proven to be absent without permission, she will be slipped from exams and stuffs. Where, she thinks, is absolutely unfair. She is a quite bright student, and if she fail to sit for exam, that is so not worth it.

~~~~~

She is having a sudden flu now, and she is really pissed off.

I hate internet connection yang can’t work properly.. I can’t connect to the internet laa!!!! I cannot do research with my laptop! I can’t upload photos, i can’t chat with Adnin, i can’t go youtube, i can’t blog, i can’t facebook! *pengsan*

Its not the network’s fault, i think. Its my laptop! Now, i’m using my friend’s to blog, and stuffs. But, it is so inconvenient! I need broadband.

Ok, stop bout the network thingy. I am loaded with work, research and debates. With laptop and fast connection, i definitely can finish them. Vice versa.

I haven’t been taking proper meal since the day i’m in IPBA. Well, i got hungry, but just not craving for food. If i am given a plate of X-Meal, or a set of McChicken, i won’t bother to eat also. I just don’t have the crave. When i’m hungry, a cup of coffee will do. Or, a glass of mineral water is ok!

I miss home, i miss momy, i miss dady. I miss Ryan, I miss chey. I miss dimsum, i miss wahlaitoi, i miss my bed. I miss everything at home.

Gotta chow now. Still have stuffs to do.

*SobbSobb*

Night.

Am i excited for the start of new semester? Erm, quite, i guess. Haha. Well, its kinda fun, to start new semester, despite of the new time table and new subjects, added by the lecturer. In this new sem, we don’t have Civilisations or Manuel, that means, we don’t have to learn by using the text book, which is a big relieve for me! No more text book taking to the class! =) Haha, however, few weird and dificult subjects are added, for example, ‘Aspect Sociaux Culturels’ which is quite similar to Civilisations, but more precise. We have TPE also, which is travail personelle encadre (individual work). Although it is an individual work, the lecturer will facilitate us with informations we need, and not to forget, the internet as well. But, since the internet connection in our hostel block is not as strong as other block, i might have difficulties in doing my research. That means, i have to merajinkan myself to WALK to the library, or go to the common room to use the LAN. (not lan, but local area network) haha. But what the heck, i can always finish up the work in erjie’s place, Subang! Hahaha.

I hope i will not be as lazy as last semester, where i hardly go to the library, and i sleep almost every evening! Gosh!! A true lazy girl. =P

Ok, i am so tired of studying different things at the same time actually. For example, when i have to do research on pollution, and at the same time, i have to finish synthese about other subjects, such as study system in France. Obviously, it is different and sooo need the help of thesaurus and dictionary to produce the best synthese right? *pfft* pengsan la like that!

Whatever it is, i am sure that i will have to work triple hard for my DELF B2 exam this November. Exams again and again. Thank God we will not have to take the C1 in Malaysia, because if we do, i will not have to to amuse in Malaysia. No more ice skating, bowling and cinema!! Tidakkkk!!!!! I want to excel in my B2 because if not, what for take exam? =P

Enough of rantings now, i remembered i have alot of works to do.

But guess what, will come back and blog tomorrow! Nadege is not here till Thursday, so i can curi some time from the Grammaire class and ASC class to blog and facebook!

*hungry*

Byebye!

*kisses for all!*

Here goes my rantings and crapping. I don’t want to label myself stupid, or anything negative because, i don’t want others to think that i have low self esteem. But, sometimes, i just, do feel like that.

Few days ago, i did something, without thinking deep about the consequences. Things that no body will want to be proud of doing, and things that some people might not do it maybe because of them not being brave enough. But that doesn’t mean that what i did was not right. Wrong, in the sense of rules and regulations. Curious, and naive, i was. And the consequences, were from what i did and what i brought myself into. What i wanted and what i got, contributed to the tears i have shed. No, it was not your fault, and i will never blame you. I am sorry to tag you along in this trouble somehow, but i am certain you do feel something for what you have done anyway. Impoverished experience, i never expected that it can mean more than just what i thought. You are right in certain subject, but sorry to say, from my perspective, you are absolutely wrong in some ways. Anyhow, i will not blame you.

Nonetheless, i cannot pretend that nothing has happen, neither can i let go of it. I am known for my sensitive side, and i can never forget things easily. Up till this moment, i still browse your page and your photos even though i feel the blues and melancholies when i saw them. I still can feel the glumness, but i hope its not for long.

Now that i knew, i will be cautious. Extra conservative. Thanks to you, i finally realize how foolish i was, yet, at the same time, i gained something important.

Experience is worthy, anyhow.

And they are worth to be learned.

Les sentiments de mon cœur,

ne seront pas chaleureux,

destinés à être blessés,

très mal blessés.

Et toi,

peux-tu les voir?

Pendant le soir,

pour les centièmes de fois,

moi,

toute seule chez soi..

Et toi,

tu peux le sentir?

l’horreur d’être menti?

Mais je restais silence,

ne faire jamais aucune offense,

car je sais,

l’offense si je faisais,

ne sera pas écoutée..

Les sentiments de mon cœur,

ne seront pas chaleureux,

destinés à être blessés,

très très mal blessés.

Jessica 14/06/2008